Things You Can Only Say At Thanksgiving

Feel free to add your own - let's create a cornucopia of comedy !

1. Talk about a huge breast.

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It's cool whip time.

4. If I don't undo my pants i'll burst.

5. That's one terrific spread.

6. My wife craves a lil dark meat.

7. Wanna see my meat thermometer?

8. It's a lil dry, u still wanna eat it?

9. Just wait ur turn u'll get some.

10. Don't play with ur meat.

11. Just spread ur legs open & stuff it in.

12. Do u think my wife will be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everybody to come at once.

14. You still have a little bit on ur chin.

15. How long will it take once u stick it in?

16. You know it's ready when it pops up.

17. I'd stuff that bird with sausage and nuts.

18. My grandma wants to show you her minced meat pie.

19. Smell my wife's pie.

20. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone !!

Observations from the Crow's Nest

• A North Hills piano teacher has been charged with sexually assaulting two girls during private piano lessons during the past two years. The girls’ parents became suspicious when the girls told them that their teacher could play “Chopsticks” with no hands.

• Today, Steelers coach Mike Tomlin refused to criticize the NFL for not suspending Oakland defensive end Richard Seymour for punching Big Ben in the face this past Sunday. Apparently, Tomlin could not find the appropriate buzzwords or clichés to express his dissatisfaction with the league’s action.

• Funny thing happened this past Saturday. I was channel surfing and started watching Weekend at Bernie’s. Fifteen minutes later, I realized I was actually watching the Penn State game. 

Sex, Lies and Light Up Night

In case you hadn't heard, Light Up Night 2010 was a real riot.

The Pittsburgh Trib reported "Melee Doesn't Dampen Pittsburgh Celebration".

The Post Gazette reported "Random Act: Despite the fracas, a successful Light Up Night".

Mayor Luke and The Pittsburgh Downtown Partnership, sponsors of the event, called the riots and gunfire an "isolated incident".

I bet that's also how Mayor Luke described his alleged extramarital affairs to his ex-wife as she held his newborn son.

Ya know, if this Mayor spent as much time looking out for public safety as he did fundraising and chasing tail, the people of Pittsburgh might have a real reason to feel safe going Downtown.

Sure Mayor Luke felt safe, with his taxpayer provided over sized security entourage, but at 8:20pm when all available city and county police officers were called to the Wood and Liberty area, the rest of the crowd city wide was left without a police presence. That's unacceptable.

Ya know - the truth is like married sex - it ain't always pretty and it ain't always romantic - but it's necessary for any partnership to succeed.

We all know Mayor Luke gave up on married sex - and apparently he's given up on telling the truth as well. But he's a politician. It's not appalling when a politician lies - it's almost expected.

But the newspapers ? Really ? Is it any wonder that newspapers are a dying industry when you read crap like this ?

I have no editors, no advertisers and no political advisors - but I have had lots of married sex.

I hope this blog is like married sex - sometimes it's great and sometimes it's not.

But you'll always take part because you can trust your partner.

Thanks for reading this - partner.

Introducing Pittsburgh's Newest Blog

Pittsburgh's vlogging sensation Cap'n Morley of The Cap'n Morley Show has joined forces with Tad Askew to form Pittsburgh's next great blog, Burghology.  

Burghology will be just as the name suggests, a study of all things Pittsburgh, from politics to sports to any given news anchor's wacky on-air antics. So pour yourself a bourbon on the rocks, sit back and enjoy.

More to come...